How to change Fiances behavior?

Alot of you had trouble reading my last question so im going to break it down in short form, im asking this so that when he gets home we can have %26quot;the talk%26quot;..



ok so here it goes:



We have a child together who is 6, we are both 21 and he works and I am a stay at home mom. He is controlling, has a bad temper and blames his anger problems on the fact that he is Irish. Our 6 year old daughter is picking up his behavior and now he is blaming it on the fact that she is part irish. I am african american and I never dated a black guy before, he uses that fact to make rude remaks about black men, when our daughter has a crush on a black kid in her class he starts going off about black men etc etc.. he does the SAME for african american women but in his words %26quot;only the ghetto ones%26quot;.. another issue, my parents are taking his side on everything, he persuades them and they believe him, we been together since we were 12 so they see him as this %26quot;angel%26quot; which he is not. I am sick of his behavior and last night was my final breaking point on everything. I have tried TONS of times before to %26quot;talk' to him but it doesnt work, tonight will be the serious talk where its either he listens or i leave and am taking Alexis with me. Now she does favor her daddy alot more then me because he lets her have her own way and i dont again that is another problem i have with him he doesnt disipline her and uses the irish rage as an excuse. Teachers have even commented on our childs temperment problems and he couldnt care less instead he says %26quot;thats my daughter%26quot; as if its a good thing to have such a bad stubborn temper and to not want to learn anything new.



Any advice on how i should deal with this situation?? i want this sovled before we get married. Councelling is an agreement on both of our parts and so far he is not in agreement with it..How to change Fiances behavior?
Sweetie, you've succumbed to a very common problem for women in love: you've completely lost your OWN voice, your own identity. Instead, you've wrapped yourself up in just being part of HIS world, doing everything for HIM. It's no surprise. You had this child when you were so young so you never got the opportunity to grow up, mature, go through life experience so you could learn how to be independent. You have a problem setting boundaries with people. My guess is you're a constant people pleaser %26amp; that has bled into your r'ship and into how you even parent. You'd rather let him have his way %26amp; your daughter get her way rather that upset anyone.



Your fiance has major communication and anger issues that I would personally want addressed before EVER committing to marriage with him. For one, the 2 of you need to stop discussing ANY part of your r'ship with your parents or anyone else for that matter. That's just part of being ADULTS. The 2 of you are still so young %26amp; are showing it. It's ok to keep things private. For another, even if you decide NOT to marry this guy, he still needs to work through his issues for your daughter's sake. Do you realize that your daughter's biggest male influence is making an imprint on her as we speak? This isn't something you can afford to do over. There are no 2nd chances. Don't be surprised if she grows up to pick a man who controls her or she'll end up being the controlling one. Children learn all the dynamics of a r'ship by watching YOU. So you need to ask yourself: Does she see a healthy r'ship? Does she see HEALTHY communication %26amp; is she learning that? I'm guessing the answer is no.



If I were you, I would give the ring back, call off any wedding so the 2 of you can have time to go to counseling and grow up some more. I would only agree to marry him IF you've gone to marriage counseling together for 1 year. AND THEN you can re-assess things.How to change Fiances behavior?
You wont change him. Sounds like he's proud to have a shitty temper. Maybe you could go to counciling or something and make it less shitty.