My background- Im a 19 year old female who has a 5 month old baby girl. I live in Pennsylvania, I like writing and psychology, and playing basketball.
My situation- I have realized recently my behavior patterns and they are much like that of a child. Ive had a hard time with it because i have a daughter so ive been quite obsessed with the issue. I look for sympathy from others, and i make excuses and blame others, and i tell myself to just stop! but it seems to go too fast to know whats going on (excuse) Im just really lost, and i think i know what i need to do, but i dont know where to start. and i talk myself out of changing because i blame other people. SO HOW DO I JUST STOP? sorry to be like that, but i know i have alot of potential im not using because of this thing. and i piss alot of people off because of it! PLEASE help.How does one change their behavior?
first off, it's a good step in the right direction that you are able to recognize your problem and you want a solution. what you need to start becoming more mature and responsible for yourself, your actions, and in this case, your daughter. changing behavior takes time, so don't expect to make a change overnight.
since you admit that you talk yourself out of changing by blaming others, the first thing you need to do is to own your actions and their results. whether positive or negative things happen from the things that you did, you have to own up to them. make a conscious effort to do so. ask yourself, was it really the other person's fault, or was it a bad decision on my part? be brutally with yourself, tell yourself that this time there will be no excuses.
once you start taking responsibility for your actions and choices, you can start taking the time and effort to make sure that you think things very well before you make you decision. weigh the pros and cons. it helps when you write down the pros and cons on a piece of paper, so that you can see if there are more pros than cons. after you've made your decision, own it, tell yourself that no matter what the outcome, you were the one who made it happen.
of course we live in a world where the actions of others have an effect on us. but we can't control how others act, and the bottomline is, we are the ones who make our decisions, no one else. we are the ones who live our lives, no one can do it for us. so we make our choices because it is what we can control.
aside from all the things i said above, i would also suggest going to a good therapist who will help you. hope things work out!How does one change their behavior?
you can start by writing down list of things you think you are doing wrong.(blaming other people)
and then you should try to change the way you think
like, was it really my fault? if yes,be honest with yourself.
is complaining going to help anything?
is blaming others gonna make you learn more?
ask these questions from yourselfHow does one change their behavior?
Start by writing...and changing the way you thinkHow does one change their behavior?
Congratulations on being willing to look honestly at yourself and showing an interest in self development at your young age. PErhaps having a daughter has given you more motivation to examine your behavior.
Yes, sometimes things go really fast and it is difficult to stop ourselves in the midst of our %26quot;programmed%26quot; behavior patterns. A few things may help you. First, try to pause before you respond to people or situations. Don't respond immediately, because that doesn't give you time to think and get out of automatic behavior. Give yourself a few seconds at least.
Second, it will help you to go over what happened after the fact. Spend some time, after interactions and situations where you disliked your behavior or responses, to think about what happened, and how you could have responded differently. Try to identify any %26quot;triggers%26quot; such as things others say that tend to upset you or tend to result in you blaming someone.
Third, it might help you to form an intention, to clarify to yourself what your intention is for yourself. The intention could be something like, %26quot;I will not blame anyone today.%26quot; or %26quot;I will not say anything blaming for the next 4 hours%26quot; or something to that effect. Maybe, %26quot;The next time I notice that I'm about to say something blaming, I will ____________ instead.%26quot; (Fill in the blank).
Fourth, it might also help you to sit down and %26quot;think through%26quot; the blame game. Think about how truthful or false it is when you blame someone. See if you can find in yourself a desire to be speaking the truth, and realize that blaming very often doesn't represent the truth.
Best wishes!How does one change their behavior?
A baby is a huge change in your life. Depression has been known to occur to new mothers, for the first months.
Does the care of your baby girl drain you? Maybe your energy is all chanelled in taking care of your daughter.
Try to take some time for yourself. Does the father help you out? Family perhaps? Maybe in a creche there is someone else with similar issues- you could perhaps make arrangements so that you look after their baby for a few hours in return for them doing the same for you, so you can enjoy your hobbies again.
Try a fresh start, as in, utterly fresh. Get up and forget yesterday, start the day by making your breakfast, feed the baby and go from there.. things tend to move on when you do.
I don't have kids, so, I don't know how relevant I am, but I've been lost very often and found my way back.How does one change their behavior?
It is far easier to blame others than it is is to take responsibility for your life. You need to understand that you are where you are today because of the decisions you have made up to this point in your life. If you truly want to make things better you need to make better decisions. The first decision you need to make is to decide to take responsibility for your life. Secondly you need to understand that people will only give you sympathy for so long. I believe that because you are getting attention from your behavior you will continue this behavior. You have a core need for attention. So you need to find something else that will give you the attention you need but will be more positive for your life. Find something to give your life purpose. Without purpose you are looking for things to bring your life meaning and right now it's sympathy from others. Again this will only last for so long, because the only one it serves is you. Life is not about what happens to you, it's about what you do when something happens. The way to move on is to decide to not let the past control the future. Understand that the only one who control your future is you. Do something or do nothing ultimately the choice is yours.
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