Is "guilt" a tool that you use to change the behavior in your spouse?

Do you use it consciously and how effective is it? What is a better substitute?Is %26quot;guilt%26quot; a tool that you use to change the behavior in your spouse?
I don't use guilt. It doesn't work and only builds resentment.

I have found that positive reinforcement coupled with some ego-stroking works the best.

Occasionally I use the %26quot;almost%26quot; cry. You know, where it looks like I'm going to cry, but am trying sooooo hard not to let him see it because I don't want him to do what I want just because I'm crying. (in reality,of course, I want him to see it and do what I want him to).Is %26quot;guilt%26quot; a tool that you use to change the behavior in your spouse?
Yeah i use it!!!! It's very effective !! hahaIs %26quot;guilt%26quot; a tool that you use to change the behavior in your spouse?
Used sometimes, unconsciously. Effective initially, but leads to resentment. Talking it out is a better substitute.Is %26quot;guilt%26quot; a tool that you use to change the behavior in your spouse?
Guilt does not work, eventually, the other spouse will wake up, pack up everything in the car and leave the situation, because they had enough.Is %26quot;guilt%26quot; a tool that you use to change the behavior in your spouse?
Screw guilt and shame. I do not use anything negative to use it against anyone. That is just mean spirirted. If you don't love then you have nothing. Is %26quot;guilt%26quot; a tool that you use to change the behavior in your spouse?
It may be something you can use but should you? You should talk about problem areas but ultimately you married them. Accept them as they are and love them. Love and grace will do more than guilt ever could.Is %26quot;guilt%26quot; a tool that you use to change the behavior in your spouse?
Guilt can be a powerful tool. But I wouldn't suggest you to manipulate your partner's feelings. Is %26quot;guilt%26quot; a tool that you use to change the behavior in your spouse?
I try not to use it, as it had been used on me for years. It was known to be very effective on me, and as a long term result, it created resentment from me tword my spouse. With resentment came anger and things continued to boil. I would not reccomend it...

Good luck, and God Bless!!Is %26quot;guilt%26quot; a tool that you use to change the behavior in your spouse?
Read the book the Marriage builder. It talks about using manipulations and how bad that is. You will create more problems if you go down that road and it will continue to get worse till you decide to change yourself. you cant change someone else. I was surprised when I stepped back and looked at what I was doing. Good Luck.Is %26quot;guilt%26quot; a tool that you use to change the behavior in your spouse?
at times when nothing else is working then yes thats the only effective tool a person has somtimes. but dont just guilt trip and manipulate them for no reason because thats just cruel. most couples 1 of them always does that then they build a subconscious habit of guilt triping their partner.

But to answer your question yes . My girlfriend has some bad habits and issues like smoking and the only thing that gets through to her is telling her shes acting careless and not even thinking about me.. somday shes going to get cancer and ill lose her. thus we create the guilt aspect. just dont abuse your ability to subliminaly guilt trip and manipulate. im not saying you will but i hate seeing cruel people who abuse it and emotionaly abuse their partner.

I hope everything works out smoothly for you.

goodluck!

--lanceIs %26quot;guilt%26quot; a tool that you use to change the behavior in your spouse?
Guilt and sex are used by women all the time. But wait, if you married your %26quot;soulmate%26quot;, then why would you have to change them? that's why it's better when she has her place and I have mine, we don't have to try and change each other. Is %26quot;guilt%26quot; a tool that you use to change the behavior in your spouse?
Do you really think GUILT is an effective %26quot;tool%26quot; to use on a spouse? I dont think so, come on really . . . how immature are you to even ask a question like that.



I think you need to try COMMUNICATION, heard that is suppose to work pretty well in relationships and marriages.Is %26quot;guilt%26quot; a tool that you use to change the behavior in your spouse?
Guilt is something your mother uses against you. Is %26quot;guilt%26quot; a tool that you use to change the behavior in your spouse?
Yes, it's a tool, but only if the spouse loves you and cares about you. If they don't have regard for your feelings then it won't make an impact.



I've used it before but I did because I was still hurting from things in the past, but I don't anymore. I realized it was unhealthy and not helping us build a stronger marriage.Is %26quot;guilt%26quot; a tool that you use to change the behavior in your spouse?
Flat side of the Sword, Whip, and Chains are just as effective but Love, understanding, and communication are better substitutes Is %26quot;guilt%26quot; a tool that you use to change the behavior in your spouse?
I think using gulit to change behaviour in your partner can just make things worse, i dont know what your partner is guilty of but if he's say cheated on you, and you forgave him and took him back then really you should'nt use this as a guilt trip every time you argue, after all you did take him back and forgave him, however if its something else that you have have forgave him for but just cant help bringing it up time and time again in an arguement then it could really just make things very bitter between you especially if you break up. Try to put past things behind you and start a fresh, the subsitute i would use other than guilt is talking about it like two grown ups, using gulit trips is petty and destructive. Good luck xIs %26quot;guilt%26quot; a tool that you use to change the behavior in your spouse?
I do not think that guilt should be used as a tool on any relationship, OR spouse or anything for that matter, i say guilt is a way of manipulating someone into doing something that you want them to do, which clearly they do not want to do so why would i use guilt as a tool on them, you will never get the results that you're looking for by using that at all!

Communication is a way better tool, or finding a solution is even better!Is %26quot;guilt%26quot; a tool that you use to change the behavior in your spouse?
Never, ever use guilt. Same rule applies in an argument. Never bring up the past. If the subject has been tackled before, it should be put to rest forever. Guilt will back fire on you. For one thing, if your spouse has a brain, he/she will realize that you are acting like a child and his/her opinion of you will drop drastically. Leave it alone. Find another way. Talking is better. Find a neutral ground and say things like %26quot;when you do this, it makes me feel like this%26quot;. That is a neutral way of getting your point across rather than placing blame, which does not help. When you place blame, use guilt, it puts the other person on the defensive, effectively closing off the line of communication. Is %26quot;guilt%26quot; a tool that you use to change the behavior in your spouse?
No! First, I make an effort not to try and change my spouse. That will just lead to misery and disappointment for both people.



And guilt is just such a cheap way of getting what you want. You shouldn't do that to the people you love. (enemies, however, are fair game! :)Is %26quot;guilt%26quot; a tool that you use to change the behavior in your spouse?
It is a tool that my family and in my opinion religion has been using for years and years. I personally don't subscribe to this method.Is %26quot;guilt%26quot; a tool that you use to change the behavior in your spouse?
I don't give him guilt trips anymore. I just tell him what he's not doing right and if he decides to change that's good if he doesn't then I'll only be seeing him when it's his turn to take the kidsIs %26quot;guilt%26quot; a tool that you use to change the behavior in your spouse?
You can not change someone who doesn't want to change, no matter what weapon you use.Is %26quot;guilt%26quot; a tool that you use to change the behavior in your spouse?
Just because a change is to be made for the spouse , using a tool like %26quot;guilt%26quot; is absolutely wrong!

If really her behaviour needs a change to be brought about a tool like , loving her / purchasing some thing for her / spending time with her only to be used instead of guilt againnst her!Is %26quot;guilt%26quot; a tool that you use to change the behavior in your spouse?
Sure it works. I know lots of people who do this to their spouses. They turn the tables and place the blame on the other by saying, %26quot;I did this because you did that. YOU need to change%26quot;. I wouldn't say it is the right thing to do. What is a better substitute? Pay the piper and own up to your actions. But, people who play the blame game have control over their spouses. If they can get by with it, they will.Is %26quot;guilt%26quot; a tool that you use to change the behavior in your spouse?
No spouse here, if I did have one I doubt I'd use guilt, only because guilt is something that I've felt growing up. It's a big part of my culture..... and knowing how I felt and still do feel about those issues, I wouldn't want my spouse to feel the same. A better substitute is to show love and affection to my spouse.... or, be naughty and show love and affection at the same time, and in the moment of weakness maybe I'd get my way, well, maybe. (But after he sees this he'll know what I'm up to, so........ %26lt;I never did answer this question, wink%26gt; ok?)Is %26quot;guilt%26quot; a tool that you use to change the behavior in your spouse?
Nope I've never used 'guilt' with my spouse mainly because I don't think it's appropriate besides which I'm married to one of those personality types who is impervious to guilt. He wouldn't recognize it if it came up and bit him on the bottom.



A better subsitute would be any positive reinforcement from which your spouse particularly derives pleasure.